People have often asked me my views on love. Well, maybe "people" is too strong of a word. And maybe "ask" is too strong of a word. And maybe "me" is too strong of a stressed pronoun. And maybe "you" is getting sick of this running gag. But, all grammar aside, let's talk about love.
For those of you who thought I was as incapable of love as I am incapable of ending this sentence without an 8-year-old-boy-race-car-commercial marketing cliche . . . . THINK AGAIN!! I can actually be a very romantic person. In a life with constant moron guys for friend, a personal female relationship is much appreciated. I relinquish the thought of having a woman to open up to, to care for, to think of; to be the object of my affection, to coin the phrase. I think of this everytime I turn on the radio, or watch a romance, or witness monkeys humping. (joking, I threw that in so you wouldn't puke)
Unfortunately, being a highschooler, the main pool from which I must choose my "honie" also consists of highschoolers. And you guys already know my stance on the majority of modern adolescents. Any "cool" highschool girl will tell you that she is like sooo into boys. By this of course she means celebs that don't know her. Or boys that are considered by her friends to be hot. When it comes to superfisciality, highschool girls are second only to highschool boys. For the guys, it's a purely sexual matter. But for a girl, a boyfriend is less of a romantic companion and more of an accessory. She must show her friends that she can go out with the most popular jerk that somebody thought was cute. Their ideal personality is either stupid or abusive. Ofcourse, I am not accusing all girls of this. Should this description apply to you, I suggest you stick your tongue into the nearest electric pencil sharpener.
And can somebody please tell me what a girl wants? They'll tell you that like, it's not what someone looks like, it's like, their personality, you know what I mean. Riiight. And you see them going out with the biggest simpletons in simple town. You know the type. Cocky and self-assured, unnecessarily cuss like sailors such that their grammar is offset, not an ounce of class in their bodies. And Mean! God they're mean. But public opinion tells you they're cute, which is possibly the reason they got this way. Girls don't look for a smart guy, or a guy with a sense of humor. I'm living proof.
A girl typically has more pressure to be attatched than a guy. Probably because their conversations have more to do with relationships than a guys' conversations, which usually don't get any deeper than "I'd do her." And a girl friend can be a burden to a guy. You know, you've got to pay for dinner, you've got to stomach the phone calls, and you can't comment on another girl's ass in her company. Based on what I know about my gender, the primary reason guys consent to relationships at all is because it gives them an excuse to hang out with somebody with boobs.
Personally, I have tried to contain my sexual impulses, and I was surprisingly successful at that. So what motivation do I have to find a girlfriend? Girls tend to be more uptight than guys. I can have a lot more fun with my boyz (intentional z), and them I can hit. Guys don't consider what adverse effect befriending me may have on their reputation. And guys don't say that you can't look at other guys for the duration of your relationship. The problem with guys is that they are contented to forever act like hooting morons. Girls have a certain class, which I can't get from my dawgz. Atleast, they used to. Some of them still do. And that's all I can look for in girl. Because, besides that I don't have the slightest inkling of what I want. I expect it to jump out at me when it comes around, but thusfar, I've gotten no sign of it. I suppose I'll just have a "meh" attitude with any relationship, and see if it works.
Which sums up my romantic point of view. Being significantly different than your average boyfriend would be, I do not like to ask a girl out; it wouldn't be fair to get her to consent to a relationship that she would not fully understand before hand. This is just as well, for there are no girls I know that "stand out" from the rest of them enough for me to think that I WANT to go out with her. Instead, if a girl shows interest in me, unless she is outrageously outside of my standards, I will not hesitate to offer her the relationship. I might get something out of it. I am not in need of romance, but I am willing. So if you think you can make Chandler feel guilty about his romantic status . . . . THINK AGAIN!
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